so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
