last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
