she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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