If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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