he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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