I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize