thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
