My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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