I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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