WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
