I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
