He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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