I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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