He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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