and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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