Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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