no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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