If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
