watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
