I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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