how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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