Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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