I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
