Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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