You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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