I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize