I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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