College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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