the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she pinky promised me she was 18
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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