Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
