I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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