You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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