Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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