omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
