have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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