Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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