i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
