so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
