based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
