Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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