just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
