you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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