All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
