I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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