all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
