yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
