When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
