My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
