all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
