He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
