UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
