Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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