some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
