I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
