i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
