i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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