i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
