theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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