The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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