tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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