how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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