We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
