Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
