I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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