After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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